AJR Counselling & Coaching

When Stress Becomes Your Normal: The Signs You May Not Notice

Thu, 17 Sep 2026 14:42:52 GMT

Stress can become so familiar that we stop noticing how much it affects the way we think, feel and live.

Stress is a normal part of life. Work pressures, financial worries, relationships, family responsibilities and unexpected changes can all place demands on us.

Usually, we recognise stress when life becomes particularly difficult. But stress does not always arrive suddenly. Sometimes it builds gradually — and when it stays around for long enough, we can become so accustomed to it that we stop recognizing it altogether. Feeling constantly busy becomes normal. Being exhausted becomes normal. Thinking about work at night becomes normal. Feeling irritated by small things becomes normal.

You keep showing up. You keep getting things done. From the outside, everything might look fine. But being able to keep going does not necessarily mean the pressure is not affecting you.

Stress Doesn’t Always Look Like Falling Apart

There is a common idea that someone struggling with stress will eventually reach a point where they simply cannot cope. In reality, you can be experiencing significant stress while continuing to work, take care of your family, respond to messages, socialize and meet your responsibilities.

Sometimes the signs are much quieter.

You may find yourself becoming more irritable or impatient. Decisions that once felt simple may suddenly require more effort. You might struggle to concentrate, constantly think about what needs to be done next, or feel overwhelmed by relatively small problems.

Stress can also affect the way we behave. Some people may withdraw from others, struggle to sleep, eat more or less than usual, or find it increasingly difficult to relax.

The NHS identifies difficulty concentrating, struggling to make decisions, feeling overwhelmed, constant worrying, irritability and changes in sleep among possible symptoms associated with stress.

The difficulty is that when these experiences happen frequently enough, they can simply start to feel like part of your personality or everyday routine.

You might tell yourself:

“I’m just busy.”

“I just need to get through this week.”

“Things will settle down soon.”

But then another week begins.

When Coping Becomes a Habit

Human beings can become remarkably good at adapting to difficult circumstances.

When life becomes demanding, we find ways to continue. We work longer, push uncomfortable feelings aside, distract ourselves or tell ourselves that we will rest once everything is finished.

For a short period, these strategies may help us manage.

But when the pressure continues, constantly “pushing through” can gradually become our normal way of functioning.

You might finish work but continue thinking about it for the rest of the evening. You might finally have a free afternoon but struggle to relax because you feel as though you should be doing something productive.

Even when nothing urgently requires your attention, your mind may still be searching for the next problem to solve.

Eventually, being constantly switched on can feel completely ordinary.

That is why recognising stress is not always about asking:

“Am I coping?”

Sometimes a more useful question is:

“What is it costing me to keep coping this way?”

Your Body May Be Telling You Something Too

Stress is not only something we experience emotionally.

It can also be associated with physical symptoms. The NHS lists headaches or dizziness, muscle tension or pain, stomach problems, chest pain or a faster heartbeat among possible physical symptoms of stress. Of course, physical symptoms can have many different causes. New, persistent or concerning symptoms should not automatically be attributed to stress and may require assessment by an appropriate healthcare professional.

But changes in how you feel physically, emotionally or mentally are worth paying attention to. Sometimes your body and mind may be telling you that the pace you have become accustomed to is no longer working for you.

“But Everyone Is Stressed.”

It is easy to dismiss what we are experiencing because stress is so common.

Other people have demanding jobs. Other people have families to support. Other people have financial pressures, relationship problems and responsibilities.

But someone else having difficulties does not make your experience less important.

You do not need to compare your stress with somebody else's before deciding whether you need support.

Instead, consider how your current situation is affecting your life.

Are you enjoying things the way you used to?

Are you constantly exhausted?

Are you becoming more impatient with the people around you?

Can you genuinely switch off?

Do you feel as though you are always preparing for the next problem?

And perhaps most importantly:

Do you want to keep feeling this way?

You Don’t Have to Wait Until You Reach Breaking Point

One of the misconceptions surrounding counselling is that something has to be seriously wrong before you speak with someone.

It does not.

You may simply recognise that you are tired of feeling constantly overwhelmed.

You may want to understand why you cannot switch off.

Perhaps stress is beginning to affect your relationships, work, confidence or the way you feel about yourself.

Or maybe you cannot identify one particular problem at all.

You simply know:

“I haven’t felt like myself lately.”

That is still something worth talking about. Seeking support earlier can give you an opportunity to understand what is contributing to the pressure you are experiencing and consider what might need to change.

Sometimes the First Step Is Making Space to Talk

When your mind is constantly occupied with responsibilities, expectations and other people's needs, it can be difficult to find enough space to think about what you need. Counselling provides dedicated time to step away from the noise and talk openly about what has been happening.

It can provide an opportunity to recognise patterns, explore what may be contributing to your stress and consider practical ways of responding differently.

You do not need to arrive knowing exactly what is wrong.

You do not need a perfectly organised explanation.

And you certainly do not need to wait until everything becomes too much.

Sometimes the conversation can begin with something as simple as:

“I’m managing, but I don’t want to keep feeling like this.”

And that can be enough to start.

It’s Good to Talk

If stress has started to feel like your normal, perhaps it is worth asking whether that is how you want normal to feel.

Adam J Rice brings more than 20 years of experience in mental health and provides counselling tailored to the individual, their circumstances and what they would like to work towards.

Whether something specific is weighing on you or you simply know that something needs to change, you do not have to have everything figured out before starting the conversation.

In-person and online counselling appointments are available.

Talk with Adam.

Why Feeling Lonely Isn't the Same as Being Alone

Mon, 03 Aug 2026 16:13:09 GMT

Why Feeling Lonely Isn't the Same as Being Alone

"You can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone."

It's a sentence that resonates with more people than you might expect.

When we think about loneliness, we often imagine someone living by themselves or having very few relationships. But loneliness isn't simply about the number of people around us—it's about the quality of the connections we experience.

The World Health Organization (WHO) describes social connection as the way we relate to and interact with others, while loneliness is the distressing feeling that arises when there's a gap between the relationships we have and the relationships we need or want.

In other words, it's entirely possible to be surrounded by people and still feel disconnected.

Why Does Loneliness Matter?

Loneliness is more than an uncomfortable emotion.

Research has shown that prolonged loneliness can affect both our mental and physical wellbeing. According to the WHO, around one in six people globally experiences loneliness, and persistent loneliness is associated with an increased risk of depression, anxiety, heart disease, cognitive decline, and premature death.

The American Psychological Association also reports that many adults experience feelings of isolation and emotional disconnection, with those experiencing higher levels of loneliness being more likely to report depression, anxiety, chronic pain, and poorer overall wellbeing.

What Can Contribute to Feeling Lonely?

Loneliness isn't always caused by a lack of people.

Sometimes it develops because of:

Major life changes such as separation, moving, retirement, or grief.
Feeling misunderstood or unable to be yourself.
Ongoing stress or burnout.
Anxiety or depression making it difficult to connect with others.
Relationships that lack emotional safety or genuine communication.

Many people continue to go to work, attend social events, and care for their families while quietly carrying a sense of emotional isolation.

Small Steps Towards Connection

There isn't a quick solution to loneliness, but meaningful connection often begins with small, intentional steps.

This may include:

Reaching out to someone you trust.
Spending time with people who make you feel safe and accepted.
Joining a community or activity that aligns with your interests.
Speaking openly about how you're feeling.
Seeking professional support if loneliness has become persistent or overwhelming.

Sometimes the first step isn't finding more people.

It's finding someone who will genuinely listen.

It's Good to Talk

If you've been feeling disconnected, emotionally isolated, or like no one truly understands what you're going through, know that you don't have to carry those feelings alone.

Counselling provides a safe, confidential space to explore what's happening beneath the surface, strengthen your understanding of yourself, and begin rebuilding meaningful connection—with others and with yourself.

At AJR Counselling, Coaching & Consulting, we're here to support you, wherever you are in your journey.

Bullying & Teenagers

Sun, 05 Nov 2023 05:50:59 GMT

Bullying & Teenagers

The word bully can conjure up many different visions in our mind. I know when I think about bullying, the vision of a group of school boys who bullied me is front and centre in my mind!

Bullying has, unfortunately, become quite common and I see it in many of the teenagers I see today. With the internet and social media being a playground for abuse these days, this ensures that the bullying is not just happening in one place e.g school, but all over the world with many people seeing the victim be openly bullied.

Bullying is a pervasive issue that affects countless teenagers across the globe, leaving emotional scars that can last a lifetime. The impact of bullying is far-reaching and can manifest in various ways, affecting not only the victim but also the bullies and the witnesses. In this blog, we'll explore the profound and lasting impacts of bullying on teenagers.

Emotional and Psychological Effects:

Low Self-Esteem: Bullying often erodes a teenager's self-worth, leaving them with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
Anxiety and Depression: Victims of bullying are more likely to experience anxiety and depression, sometimes leading to a lifelong battle with mental health issues.
Social Isolation: Bullying can cause teenagers to withdraw from social interactions, leading to loneliness and feelings of alienation.

Academic Consequences:

Decline in Academic Performance: Bullying can lead to a decline in a teenager's academic performance due to increased stress and difficulty concentrating.
School Avoidance: Victims may try to avoid school to escape their tormentors, resulting in chronic absenteeism.

Physical Health Impacts:

Stress-Related Health Problems: Constant stress can lead to various physical health issues, including headaches, stomachaches, and sleep disturbances.
Increased Risk of Self-Harm and Suicidal Ideation: Victims of bullying are at a higher risk of engaging in self-harm and having suicidal thoughts.

Long-Term Effects:

Continued Mental Health Struggles: Many teenagers who experience bullying continue to grapple with mental health challenges into adulthood.
Difficulty Trusting Others: Bullying can erode trust, making it difficult for victims to establish healthy relationships in the future.

Impact on Bullies:

Emotional Consequences: Bullies themselves may suffer from guilt, remorse, and the negative consequences of their actions.
Cycles of Violence: Some bullies may continue their harmful behavior into adulthood, perpetuating a cycle of violence.

Impact on Bystanders:

Guilt and Regret: Witnesses of bullying may carry guilt for not intervening, potentially affecting their mental well-being.

Conclusion:

The impacts of bullying on teenagers are significant and pervasive. It's crucial for parents, teachers, and society as a whole to take a proactive approach in preventing and addressing bullying. Open communication, empathy, and a strong support system can help teenagers cope with the emotional scars of bullying and build resilience. Together, we can create an environment where no teenager has to suffer silently, and where bullying is a thing of the past.

Understanding Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse

Fri, 25 Aug 2023 01:49:21 GMT

What is narcissism and narcissistic abuse?

Understanding Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse

In the realm of psychology, the term "narcissist" has gained significant recognition, often conjuring images of individuals who are self-absorbed and manipulative. However, the concept goes beyond mere vanity, delving into complex psychological dynamics that can profoundly impact relationships and emotional well-being. This article aims to demystify the concept of a narcissist and shed light on the often devastating effects of narcissistic abuse.

What is a Narcissist?

At its core, narcissism refers to a personality trait characterized by an excessive preoccupation with oneself, a lack of empathy for others, and a sense of entitlement. Individuals with narcissistic traits often seek admiration, display grandiosity, and prioritize their own needs and desires above those of others. While a certain degree of self-confidence and self-interest is normal, individuals with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) take these traits to an extreme, often at the expense of healthy relationships and emotional well-being.

Narcissists can exhibit a range of behaviours, including:

Grandiosity: A tendency to exaggerate one's achievements and importance.
Lack of Empathy: Difficulty understanding and sharing the feelings of others.
Manipulation: Using charm and manipulation to control and exploit others.
Entitlement: Believing they deserve special treatment and recognition.
Intense Need for Attention: Craving constant admiration and validation.
Difficulty Handling Criticism: Reacting defensively or aggressively to any criticism.

What is Narcissistic Abuse?

Narcissistic abuse is a pattern of harmful behaviours inflicted by someone with narcissistic traits upon their victims. This form of emotional, psychological, and sometimes even physical abuse is characterized by manipulation, control, and a consistent undermining of the victim's self-esteem and self-worth.

Common tactics of narcissistic abuse include:

Gaslighting: Manipulating the victim's perception of reality to make them doubt their own memory, judgment, or sanity.
Isolation: Cutting off the victim from support systems, leaving them vulnerable and dependent.
Devaluation and Idealization: Alternating between praising and devaluing the victim, creating confusion and emotional instability.
Triangulation: Introducing a third party into the dynamic to create jealousy or competition.
Projection: Accusing the victim of having the traits that the narcissist possesses.
Silent Treatment: Withholding communication and affection to control and punish the victim.

The Impact of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse can have profound and lasting effects on victims' mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Victims often experience anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and a distorted sense of reality. The manipulation and gaslighting can erode their self-confidence and make them question their own perceptions. Healing from narcissistic abuse requires time, support, and often professional help to rebuild self-esteem and establish healthy boundaries.

Understanding what a narcissist is and recognizing the signs of narcissistic abuse is crucial for anyone who finds themselves entangled in such dynamics. It's important to remember that narcissistic behaviors are driven by deep-seated psychological factors, and healing from narcissistic abuse is a journey that requires patience and self-compassion. If you or someone you know is experiencing narcissistic abuse, seeking help from mental health professionals, support groups, and counselors can be the first step towards reclaiming a sense of empowerment and emotional well-being.

If you are suffering as a victim of this type of abuse, please get in touch so we can help. Our clinicians at AJR counselling, Coaching & Consulting have experience in this field and can assist you navigating through what seems to be a never ending cycle.

The benefits of joining an anxiety group.

Fri, 19 May 2023 06:02:25 GMT

Finding Support and Relief: The Benefits of Anxiety Groups with AJR Counselling, Coaching & Consulting in Budgewoi, NSW

Living with anxiety can be an overwhelming and isolating experience. The constant worry, racing thoughts, and physical symptoms can significantly impact one's well-being and quality of life. However, finding support through counselling and therapy can make a world of difference. In Budgewoi, NSW, AJR Counselling, Coaching & Consulting offers anxiety groups that provide a nurturing and empowering environment for individuals to navigate their anxiety together.

In this blog, we will explore the benefits of participating in an anxiety group with AJR Counselling, Coaching & Consulting and how it can help individuals find relief and build resilience.

1. Connection and Understanding: One of the primary advantages of joining an anxiety group is the opportunity to connect with others who are going through similar experiences. In an anxiety group at AJR Counselling, Coaching & Consulting, individuals come together in a supportive environment where they can share their stories, fears, and challenges. The understanding and empathy from fellow group members create a sense of validation, reducing the feelings of isolation and fostering a sense of belonging.

2. Learning Coping Strategies: AJR's anxiety groups offer a platform for individuals to learn and develop effective coping strategies to manage anxiety. Led by experienced counsellors and therapists, these groups provide evidence-based techniques and tools that can be implemented in daily life. Through discussions, activities, and shared experiences, participants gain practical skills and insights to better navigate anxiety triggers and responses.

3. Peer Support and Encouragement: The power of peer support should not be underestimated. In an anxiety group at AJR Counselling, individuals can provide support, encouragement, and inspiration to one another. The shared journey helps participants realize that they are not alone and that there is hope for recovery. Peer support fosters motivation, accountability, and a sense of camaraderie, allowing individuals to build resilience and face anxiety challenges with renewed strength.

4. Safe and Non-Judgmental Space: AJR Counselling, Coaching & Consulting creates a safe and non-judgmental space for individuals to express their feelings and concerns openly. Anxiety groups facilitate open discussions, allowing participants to explore their thoughts and emotions without fear of criticism. This safe space enables individuals to release pent-up emotions, gain insights, and receive support from both peers and professional facilitators.

5. Psychoeducation and Self-Awareness: Participating in an anxiety group provides an opportunity for psychoeducation, where individuals gain a deeper understanding of anxiety and its underlying causes. AJR's groups offer educational resources, workshops, and discussions that help individuals enhance their self-awareness and gain insights into their unique anxiety patterns. By understanding their anxiety triggers and responses, participants can develop personalized strategies for managing anxiety effectively.

6. Long-Term Support: Anxiety groups at AJR Counselling, Coaching & Consulting often become long-term support networks for individuals. As participants build connections and rapport, they develop a support system that extends beyond the group sessions. The friendships and bonds formed in the group provide ongoing encouragement, empathy, and understanding, promoting long-term resilience and growth.

Anxiety groups at AJR Counselling, Coaching & Consulting in Budgewoi, NSW, offer a lifeline to individuals grappling with anxiety. Through connection, learning, peer support, and a safe space for exploration, these groups provide a pathway to relief, empowerment, and personal growth. If you're seeking support in navigating your anxiety, consider joining an anxiety group with AJR Counselling. Together, you can find solace, understanding, and the tools needed to reclaim control over your anxiety and live a more fulfilling life.

A Simple Anxiety relief tip!

Tue, 26 Apr 2022 01:23:40 GMT

A simple anxiety relief tip!

Do you know that our eyes move to certain places when we are thinking and feeling? Think about how a person physically looks when they are sad. More often than not their body will be in a position of being hunched over, looking downwards right? Nowt hink of how someone physically looks when they are anxious. Where are they looking and what position is their body in? Usually their eyes will be darting around a bit and you could also see some shaking or hypervigilant body movement.

The eyes are an amazing tool when it comes to having negative feelings. When our eyes a looking downward and going from right to left, left to right etc, it means your are thinking and feeling. You can see people do this whilst they say " I don't know (thinking) why I'm so sad( Feeling)" .

"I can't work out (thinking) what I am anxious (feeling) about". If you are a right handed person your eyes will bottom left for thinking and bottom right for feeling. It will be the opposite for a left handed person.

However, if you look up, you can no longer think and feel so much and the feeling will start to dissipate. Give it a try the next time you are upset, angry or sad. It's an easy tip that I often share with people. But it is only a band aid solution. If you are feeling anxious or depressed over a period of time, please seek some assistance.

Christmas anxiety

Tue, 21 Dec 2021 09:57:03 GMT

Managing anxiety during the uncertainty of omicron

Anxiety counselling is a particular focus of our work here at AJR Counselling Coaching and Consulting.

In these uncertain times, a new kind of anxiety is surfacing: Christmas anxiety.

Will we be able to travel to see our loved ones, or will omicron mean things are shut down?

Initial reports say it's more infectious but less severe than Delta, but the UK is taking it very seriously, and reported an increase of 10,000 cases in 24 hours a few days ago, taking the total omicron cases t more than 25,000..

The uncertainty can leave you feeling powerless and anxious. Many of us have been unable to see our loved ones for a very long time, and have been looking forward to seeing them at Christmas.

Limit your intake of news as much as possible, as it can make anxiety a lot worse. Some believe the number of hospitalisations should be the focus of news reporting, but the media is concentrating on the number of cases.

Remember, omicron is believed - at this stage - to be less dangerous than previous strains.

Our sessions are available in person and online, and we can help you develop strategies to help you manage anxiety.

The symptoms of anxiety include but are not limited to:

Fear that something bad is about to happen
Increased heart rate
Shortness of breath
Trouble concentrating
Nausea
Dry mouth

If you or someone who know is struggling, please contact us. We are open until 24 December 2021 and will be back on 10 January 2022.

Stay well and stay safe.

Christmas Rules

arun@zoondia.com (Arun Sreedharan) — Wed, 15 Dec 2021 00:32:56 GMT

Don't go into debt trying to show people how much you love them
Don't go visit your family if it compromises your mental health
If someone comments on your weight...eat them